Thursday, 10 January 2013

It's a Blog's Life!



I've been thinking of writing this post for some time and I finally cranked it out in a not very inspired mood. But let us go on!

There was this question in my Computer Security paper last semester:
Describe the life cycle of a virus
Never mind that I probably am going to score a zero on that answer (I faintly remember writing something about virus babies) but I decided to write that answer in relation to something I love (as opposed to an evil virus)...my blog!
That coupled with another new fascination. GIFs. These tiny little moving pictures manage to say what authors attempt to express in several paragraphs(sometimes several pages!) and they might be bad for writing but I lurve them!

The Life-Cycle of a Blog

Phase 1:
INCEPTION
Where you first fall in love (and envy) with someone else's blog!
Elder brother, sister, chacha, mama, favourite author, anyone.
The freedom, the creativity, the virtual popularity it presents...unmatched!
A lot of blogs are born out of the oh-that’s-so-cute-I-want-that-too thought when we first see a blog. All of us have that inspiration story.
It starts for some (like me) as a spot to collect all the writery drivel we write and hopefully not have people ridicule the stuff, for some a popularity game to flaunt on Facebook(I’ve heard it helps if you have a sexy mugshot as your profile picture!),for some to use as a journal(but FB ruined all that!) or whatever.

image
Me, when I first saw eM’s blog.


Phase 2:
DEFLATION
This is the place where all the elation from Phase One plummets (busted balloon style...with the high pitched wailing) when your little baby isn't considered all that great in big cruel outside world.
Secretly whispering 'I just got my own blog' to friends (no family because...'course not!) doesn't elicit more than a 'Really?' from close friends and a 'Yep it’s cool. You did this yourself?' after they have a look.

from Love Sonnet LXVI
No wonder cats are cool!



Phase 3.
PROPAGATION
Where you pull yourself out of the I-just-made-a-blog-and-no-one-gives-a-s**t-about-it haze and chalk out an active plan to get that stat-graph and GoogleFriendConnect box filling.
So you go on a blog-finding spree and end up finding some awesome writing in the process. You contemplate obliterating the pathetic excuse of a blog you've created after your self-esteem takes a serious beating after reading all the gorgeous goods which much more talented people have online.
And you read and read and keep reading and comment and stalk and one day, you get comments of your own too...you join this little virtual world of crazy misfits, non-popular geniuses and generally awesome people you always wished you’d meet one day!

Me,when I get a comment...or a compliment.


From here the story can go two ways,
ONE.
Stuff goes exactly the way you wanted it to.
Your blog grows, and grows and grows and reaches dizzying heights of blog-success and popularity, till you reach that point in time when you talk to *awesomekitty* from Timbuktu and pat-the-lad from Tennessee more than you talk to your real-life boyfriend/girlfriend and you sometimes get these wide-eyed stares when you describe that crazy-ass long comment thread on sparklysam that went on forever over dinner with your family...
Then they decide to pack you off to a far flung college with no outside connect except a phone in the principal’s office so that you stop all this blog-shog nonsense and begin passing in some subjects.
OR less dramatically, you get busy with life. With studies. Or a job. Or a new girlfriend/boyfriend(this is a little unlikely because I've seen that getting yourself a partner only sharpens the need to spill your guts to the public...not generalising of course).Or you get married. Or basically life happens.
Or you die.
End of blog.
Something like this:

                 




TWO.
Stuff doesn't go the way you planned.
You tank. You go bust. You’re defeated by the evil blog-monsters. Your self-esteem goes to the dogs. You spill tears over the blog-audience you never had. You decide to go back to more quaint methods of expressing yourself...the good ole diary, or more probably #Facebook, #Instagram or #Twitter.
What??You're telling me I can’t make hashtags on my blog?!
You never come back.And you feel something like this:



Phase 4.
DECLINE
The fate of all blogs.
I wish it weren't.
Just like the two cases above.
But the world calls with jobs and spouses and more lucrative and Boring but Necessary Things to do.
And the loser is the blog...the place that got you through many a hard day with all the happiness, goodness and encouragement.
When I stop being so jumpy, when I go from crazy teen to mommy-ish...do I graduate to a group of mom-and-babe blogs or techie blogs or something?
I need answers.
But then there's always...THE COMEBACK!!

20 Holiday Reactions We're All Having


All my plans to produce better writing simply aren't working. Call it writer’s block. Or the balderdash of an untalented uninspired writer...I simply don’t write stuff I’d be proud to call my own. Like what Zeba writes. This girl is the cause of many a bout if self-writing-loathing and swooning over how beautiful words can be. You’re missing something big if you haven’t read her. Go fall in love!

And my signing-out song.
May It Be by Enya. You've heard it in Lord of the Rings. And if you've been wondering who sang it, like me, I bring it to you!




P.S. I meant this post to be a funnier and more LOL-worthy post than the drivel you had to read through but after this sudden spate of comments on my blog and the virtual popularity(and the non-virtual bloated head), the truth is my noggin plain ain't working.
But as a present for you who laboured through that post, here’s something that’s REALLY funny. Ladies and Gentlemen, Presenting,
Achmed the Dead Terrorist!


Stay sane!


35 comments:

  1. I love the third image. Its so awesome. :D

    and i used to listen to that song by Enya. Love it!

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  2. I had a couple of laughs before I read the P.S. So, I guess the post was a little bit funny. Mostly because I went through some of the phases while blogging and I felt the exact same way. For a long long time, I was the only one reading my own posts. (I know, It sounds awkward, but I wanted to improve whatever I was writing, So I kept writing). Almost, after every post I feel like that Comeback, though it is not a comeback, but still. :P

    And Seriously, big LOL for Achmed the terrorist.

    So, I figured out, this is the first post in this year. So, Happy New Year. Have a Great Year Ahead. And well, Keep Writing. :)

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  3. This is such an ACCURATE description of blog life-cycles- I give you an A* :)
    Seriously, though, I can really relate to all of that. And I've wondered what will happen to my blog once I graduate to another phase. I don't want it to turn into a house-wife's cooking and baby-raising tips blog...but you never know what life can do to you. One thing's for sure- I don't want it to go to decline stage :(

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  4. @ Ridx, I know...Minions!They're what I want for a birthday present...anybody listening??!And thanks.:)
    @ Ajay, Yeah,even I just realised that,Happy first post of the year to me!And no awkwardness about reading your own posts,90% of my initial page-views were self-generated till I realised where the extraordinary number of views were coming from!:))
    @ Ghadeer, Thanks Prof!One thing's for sure: You're the last person whose blog will turn into a housewife's hideout,you're way too fun!:)

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  5. Oooh yay Enya :D Well I think you need to stop comparing yourself to other writers. I've seen some blogs that make me think "Why do I keep doing this when they do it better?". I've also seen blogs that make me think "I need to do this, to offer an alternative to this pile of garbage." I am happy to report that I do like your blog, and I hope you can stick around. My blog has declined a little, but you can always turn back and do a good comeback, like you said :)

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  6. Oh gosh, it's a tragedy! But for some reason, reading this post makes me want to defy that life cycle somehow - I don't want to hit Decline. Hm.

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  7. Seriously girl, I have felt the same way. I guess almost all bloggers feel almost all the phases you just wrote! A gold star for you :)

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  8. Well, quit comparing and things will be sooper. I've fallen in love with this word somehow, mentioning this here is totally out of context though, oops. :D
    Aaaand, Enya is nice plus you have some amazing funny images here :)
    Keep Blogging, it heals!

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  9. I did like the blog's name. Interesting. :D

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  10. I like your blog's name

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  11. You have such a unique way of thinking. You may stop writing, but the elation caused by your blog which sparks up a smile(Especially by the minions. Gosh, that was intense. :P) won't die out, for sure.

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  12. @ Mark, Comparing myself to others is one of my worst indulgences!But I'm working on it...Your posts are a great help,Call it crazy but it's reassuring having at least one person who always has a post out every single day no matter what!:)
    @ LnM, Don't you dare hit Decline!I'd miss you too much!:)
    @ Anisha, Gold Star gratefully accepted Teacher...I always wanted one and now I finally have it!Thank you!:)
    @ Rish, It's not,You can always use sooper no matter the context cuz you're sooper!And I will.Keep blogging I mean...it's way too fun with people like you around!:)
    @ I do,I do, Thanks.Just as I like your name...I have to pause and look carefully every time I see your name floating around in somebody's comment box.:)
    @ Anonymous, Thanks!:)
    @ Nasir, Thank you for the kind words Monsieur!Flattery always works for me...and usually sparks up a smile like you said.:)

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  13. Lol that is how all blogs start out. Like what I say to all new bloggers, you need to have your own style. It doesnt have to be 100% original but even if there is 30% originality, people will think you are doing something new and they will love it. You will have somebody whose writing you absolutely love, instead of copying their entire style, adapt their style and make it your own so that even when that person (whose style you adapted) reads your blog, they find something completely new instead of something that was copied from their style. They shouldn't even for a moment think that it is an adaptation of their style.

    The fastest way to get a hell lot of followers is to write a really controversial post and get a lot of haters. :D But I am hoping that aint your style because it sure isn't mine. You should find your style and stick to it and the followers will follow (no pun intended). If you look at my blog posts it is usually something in the line of humor/satire. I talk about everyday things like me cooking or me going on a train journey with my dad, or me writing my TOEFL exam. A lot of people do that and why would someone even care or waste their time reading about my train journey with my dad? The difference is that mine isnt boring to read and it is almost always funny (at least I like to think so). The ideal post that you should strive to write is the one which makes you go "Did I just write this? OMG I am a genius."

    If your writing is good, there is no harm doing shameless self promotion at times. Do not go to peoples blogs and ask them to read your blog. That is just plane annoying. Your blog will grow by word of mouth. So telling people about your blog is a good thing, unless you are writing about them of course. I knew you were starting out when I opened your blog. Why? It took me 5 mins to load lol. Work on optimizing your blog speed. Learn about SEO, if you want to turn really hard core. Its not that hard when you spend sometime. I can give you more advice but this comment is getting long as it is. You know where to find me if you need me :D

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  14. Ahhhhhhhahaha!! this is such a super awesome post sprinkled with humor all over!

    Phase 2 was just hila-freaking-ious!! ;D

    you talk to *awesomekitty* from Timbuktu//

    OH MAN, tell me about it!!

    Rise to fame / Decline plus Come back. Whoa Talitha - you simBly nailed it! :D

    Do visit my blog! Would love to see you by! *cheers*

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  15. @ The Narcissist, Yep I do know where to find you and am happy about it!
    I'll do something about the loading time but all these pretty blog-baubles are too cute to let go...Maybe the music player??*Nooooooo!*
    As for asking people to follow me,I don't intend to go that way...too bad for my bloated ego!:)
    Controversy...hmmm...maybe...;)
    And thank you so much for taking the time out to read and advice this greenhorn!
    @ Kappu, I'll probably find *awesomekitty* soon,you'll see!And then I vill let you know vokay?!
    And about visiting,I already do that girl and don't intend to stop any time soon!:)
    But you have got to tell me how you put that link in your comment!

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  16. You described the blogging cycle perfectly in my opinion. I can absolutely relate to it.
    I have to mention that I luuuuurve your gifs, particularly the one of the little workers for Despicable Me. <3_<3

    Hang in there :D
    P.S I really love your blog design

    Tay
    x

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  17. hahahaha
    omg
    this is SO ACCURATE!
    good job on this post, you described everything perfectly, love it :D

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  18. You pretty much sum it all up.
    Believe me this was good and when I try to come up with nice humor filled post they are complete fails. No, I think serious posts work way way better for me! :P
    Ps. The new layout is super cute!

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  19. lol you had me at 'virus babies'.

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  20. @ TayTay, Thanks so much sweetheart!The <3-ing is mutual!:)
    @ PurpleMist, Yeah I do wish the examiner thinks the same of my paper and is as sweet as you about it!:)
    @ Momina, You're so lucky girl,You don't know.While humour is fun to read and stuff,it's the serious s**t that really touches hearts and strikes a chord and I'm such such a wannabe in the face of serious writing!Don't you try to change it!*finger wagging*:)
    @ icyHighs, Thanks for commenting but what I want from you is some serious writing man!Go and post...NOW.:)

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  21. Buhahahahahahhaa. This is hilarious. But so real and true. Sigh.

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    Replies
    1. Zeeb you visited!
      I'm so glad you did.And liked it as well!
      I've promised myself not to start gushing over you all over again so I'll stop.Thanks!:)

      Delete
  22. Replies
    1. Why thank you!
      It definitely is great getting cyber-compliments I wouldn't get in a million years in real life!:)

      Delete
  23. My blog didn't go through any of those phases. I don't know, maybe as a Blogger I'm unique?

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    Replies
    1. You're very lucky then!
      No emotional trauma,no mental scarring.But your cycle would still be pretty interesting,I'm sure.:)

      Delete
  24. Talithaaaaaaaaa! :D
    Haha, this actually made me laugh out loud and go "Oooh" in all the right places. I've missed your writing so, SO much. I'm going to spend all of today reading what I've missed and stuffing myself with ice-cream. Sending boxes of love your way. :*

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    Replies
    1. Girl you're BACK!!!
      Boy,I've missed you.Thought you'd forgotten your password or something.
      Those boxes sure are sweet and please don't go missing again!:)

      Delete
  25. Won't won't annnnnd won't. I just got lazy for a while. :(

    Oh, you have no idea how much I'm enjoying all your blog entries. :D
    Seriously, why haven't they made a television show about your life, already? :D

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    Replies
    1. I'm really glad you like the posts and though I empathise with the lazy-streak,puh-lease give me some prior notice before going AWOL!:)
      Yeah the television show would not be fit to be aired on TV...horrible stuff you don't wanna see!!

      Delete
  26. I dont think u check ur email do u? lol

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  27. Gawd. Haven't read such an amazing post in a loooooooooooong time :D
    Jeff Dunham just added to it!
    I'm a fan! :)

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  28. Hey girl! I am the "Unknown X"! found your blog accidentaly and I really like it. I try to check it every day for new posts. Go on please! Good job! I am also a blogger and I would be grateful if you took a glance at my blog. I am from Greece so I write Greek but you can translate my blog in your own language or whatever language you want. It is a teenage blog and there we discuss about various teenage (not only) issues. My blog is anonymous because in this way I can write without fear and just like the way I want. Hope you enjoy it! If you like it let me know please.
    Link: http://e-efiboi.blogspot.gr/
    Thanks a lot.
    With love,
    "Unknown X"

    ReplyDelete

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I'm all ears...